The truth?
The North Pole is a totalitarian state
That puts North Korea
Elves chained in subzero sweatshops
(Some say they’re aliens from Neptune
Taken from Roswell
Making mind control games and gadgets
Plastic voodoo dolls to shape children’s hearts
And mind altering cartons of alien egged nog
The objective?
Reinforce gender stereotypes
A doll for Sally, a GI Joe for Sam
To make the next generation of sluts and soldiers
To fight his wars and fuel his factories
And keep peace and goodwill from man
It’s all about Big Brother Santa
Watching us and making his lists
Checking and rechecking them
Jesus Christ?
Nice guy but it has nothing to do with him
Christianity is just a gateway drug for Christmas
And just as Wenceslaus exiled Drahomira
Became the government and crushed the old religions
Santa has assumed control of the holiday season
Using panopticon shopping centers
And kagemusha men in red suits at every mall
To conduct seated interrogations on our young
The means?
Genetic manipulation to make caribou fly
Those aren’t normal reindeer anymore
Proboscis monkey nose and glowing jellyfish genes
To pull him through the stratospheric storms
Muzak piped straight from the Pole
Sapping our wills and tapping our Id
Ritual deforestation puts weapons in our hands
And increases our urban prison sprawl
The ideology?
Citizens, consume
Doesn’t matter if you were born Christian Muslim or Jew
Eat a 6 winged 6 legged freak with family
Bred in a box for the occasion
With the right amount of estrogen for men
Calcium and testosterone for women
Make a pile of stolen treasure under the sacrifical tree
And rip it to shreds on Christmas morning
The answer?
The US Army is in cahoots
Or else too scared to do anything
Every year NORAD tracks his movements
But is powerless to stop him
He can die about as much as Vlad Tepesh or Rasputin
Saint Nick and Old Nick are one and the same
If only we stop consuming and blindly believing
We can kill this Consumas season
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