I saw the strangest news today
A Chupacabra farm got quarantined
Just east of Acapulco
Tourists had tracked in swine flu
The bug jumped species
Endangering Jersey Devils and Bigfeet
Throughout the Lower Forty-Eight
From Nepal
Maoist rebels have kidnapped Yeti babies
To use as child soldiers
Abominable Parents rioted
Blocking off access to Everest and K2
The United Nations has lodged a protest
In the United Kingdom
Video of a wailing banshee went viral
The ghost got signed by Simon Cowell
Turned out a chart topper
The cursed family got all the proceeds
Five other clan ghosts have come forward
Illegal MP3 downloaders have died in droves
In Egypt
The Sphinx uttered a prediction
The country, 99% Christian 1000 years ago
Now 99% Muslim
Would need to turn 99% Scientologist
Before peace would grace the Middle East
Tom Cruise flew instantly to Cairo
On a final note, in Japan
The Union of Yokai
Led by their Faceless Woman president
Marched the Untouchables through Tokyo
Eta, Burakumin, and Gaijin
Linked hand in tentacle with Buddhist Obake
Demanding ease of suffrage and suffering
That is the way in these futuristic times
Unbelievable ripples of Fortean crimes
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