Friday, March 25, 2011

The Truth About Superheroes

“Look at that Superman
Never stops for autographs anymore
Always some alien invasion or deposed god to fight
He doesn’t bother with petty crimes like murder or robbery
What do you expect? I hear he isn’t even human
Why would some alien care about us?”

“What about the Flash?
He only does fashion TV shows
Since he came out of the closet
Transforms guys into in the wink of an eye
Has his own line of spangled jumpsuits
Saves money by walking to events in Tokyo and Paris

“That Batman knows how to make money
There’s a Batcave ™ franchise in every major city
Teaching citizens self defense and detective skills
The latest model Batmobile ™ is a hit with dictators
I’ve heard rumors of him and the boys at his ranch
I guess if you’re rich enough you can do anything”

“Wonder Woman’s singing and acting careers were crap
I am her biggest fan of her porn though
That lasso and bracelets are pure S&M fantasy
The video with Power Girl is my favorite
Figures an Amazon princess would be into girls”

“All those guys with their powers
They could cure cancer or stop war and crime
Instead they draw trouble like flies on shit
New York gets destroyed once a week
Gotham and Metropolis were nuked long ago
That’s the price we pay for living with gods”

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