Tuesday, October 25, 2011

What Would Conan Do?

In this savage civilization
When my soul suffers abrasions
There is one honest self-query
That renders me quite cheery

When I'm deathly sick at heart
A question brings to me comfort
When my mind is pained too
I ask, what would Conan do?

What would Conan do?
Spur his mighty thews
Into furious action!
Not be content with mere reaction

When relations with my wife
Have caused me undue stress and strife
I do like Conan with the vampire
Throw my worries in the fire!

When I compare my unlovely flab
To the Cimmerian’s iron abs
I tax my muscles in sun or rain
Like he did on the Wheel of Pain

When dirty workplace politics
Tire me of civilization’s tricks
I escape as the barbarian goes
By moving catlike in shadows

When from futile job searches
Zombielike my body lurches
Like Conan fighting foes undying
I fight on till the prize is mine

When misfortune from heaven comes
I rely on myself, never ask of Crom
If god doesn’t deign to pull me through
I’ll gladly yell ‘To hell with you!’

When life has me cowered
I channel that hero of Howard
This question always gets me through
I ask, what would Conan do?


  1. Conan: The Barbarian. The human barbarian. The human being barbarian. Barbarian being be! Chief Broom: Boom!

  2. Glad you enjoyed it, Aaron. As Yeats said, time to let out our 'barbaric YOP!'